Late Rebellion

I've been so angry lately. Angry at everything. At my parents, my friends, my life. I guess I am now somehow going through rebellious phase that you usually get when you are a teenager.

Yup, definitely late rebellion phase.
In my teenage years, i feel a strong sense of need to stay sensible that i manage to go through high school with clear-sober-calm mind. I was focus, driven by desire to be an important and successful person in the future.
Manage to stay out of trouble, be responsible for everything, even manage to be frugal enough to always save a little money for a rainy day.
This is when i was 13 until 17 yeas old.
My college years went by with me wanting it to end so badly.
Our family financial problem got worse,
I use every free time to spend with my mom whose having hard time living alone. Money always still a big problem.

And now, I blink, and suddenly I'm 24 years old. My youth almost past it's period. And i haven't done anything.
The realization that hit me is pretty strong, i am left wondering what the heck have i done?
I've never have chance to go climb a mountain, no memory of vacation trip with college friend, never ever been inside a club, not having any relationship nor good experience, have not loved or be love,
heck i never even have dyed my hair with the way that i always want.

My college years was crazy, tiring, and painful. If you watch Go Dok Mi in Flower Boy Next Door, that thing kinda happend to me.
 I hate meeting people, I lost confident, I feel small, I find solace only in my own room. Alone.
But luckily i have few real friend who stand by me during those time.
So i didnt go as far as her in secluding myself.

I find it really funny at times. Why the heck am i feeling like this?
Sometimes i feel so suffocated and burdened, that i start to gasp for air.
My back feel really heavy, and i really hate to be the responsible one for everything.

I feel so sorry my mom. I guess right now she try her hardest to bear with me.
I love you so much Mama!

Guess now i really need to start grow up n stop getting old. Keke