A Cry For Help

      I first start thinking of death when i was a little girl, maybe 7 or 8 years old. I  was never suicidal, God forbid, for my faith and my believe in Allah s.w.t never waver, and i know that this very precious life of mine is not for me to take. Yet i always keep thinking,would i be better and happier if i'm dead? would people around me feel anything if i wasn't there with them? Do any people even be sad and remember me when i'm gone? That is the 7 years old me thinking.

      Sometimes it is so depressing and burdensome i feel like i can't take it anymore.Mostly the problem start  because of the money, yet the thing that made it worse is because i don't have, or could not share it with anybody. i did have a dear friend right now who sweetly listen to me fretting and complaining, even though i might have repeat it a thousand time, about my worry and my stress, my burden, yet i love her as a friend so much i keep worrying whether by confiding in her, i might make her stress too. She the only one that i got, so it makes me so scare i might chase her away myself.

    Right now i've begin to understand why in Westerns seeing a shrink or counselor is so popular and people willing to pay a lot for it. I wish i have someone that i can talk to to ease my burden, to ease my pain, without worrying that i might make the other party weary of me.

     Now i just wish that all this moodiness just go away! i hate it when i'm feeling down and hopeless, and end up babbling in here for a way of venting it out.